Sam Talks Relationships

(Editor's Note: Sam is the voice of George W. Bush in "The Ameircan Ranger" series.)

Well, it's been a while since I've posted. Things have been crazy, but thy've finally calmed down, so I thought I'd post again.

So, I thought I'd take this chance to give everyone out there relationship advice.

First thing's first... how do you ask out that special someone? Well, when I was a young man in Tennessee, my own patented pickupline, was, as follows: "The name's Locke. That rhymes with Rock... And that's what I wanna do to your world." After about the forth slap to my face, I realized that this was not a good method.

Lesson two: Make sure the girl in question does not have a crazy boyfriend. What follows is an easy litmus test:

When I first moved to Chicago, I did not have a printer, and couldn't print off my resume` to get a job. I mentioned this to a cute girl at my bank, and she offered to take my disk home and print it off. Two days later, I returned to the bank to retrieve said resume` and disk, and proceeded to find out that her boyfriend saw a disk labeled “Sam’s Disk” screamed “Who’s Sam?!”, broke the disk, and trashed her apartment. She then proceeded to tell me that she and her boyfriend had broken up over it.

Lesson three: If the girl has broken up with said crazy boyfriend, ask her out instead of worrying about your broken computer disk, and unprinted resume`.

Lesson four: LISTEN!

I recently asked my ex girlfriend why she and I broke up, and she told me it was because I was self absorbed, to which I said , “Oh… do you mind driving me to Circuit City, I need to pick up a computer…” she said “no”… I’m still not sure why….